Pretty Little Liars Obsession

You could say I'm a little obsessed with the Pretty Little Liars series by Sara Shepard. Oh how could i prove it? By admitting in the last year I've previously read the first 12 books of the series. And oh how I love book 13! It's still packed with all the excitement of figuring out who is the current A, and learning all the new secrets of the 4 girls. Definitely recommend this series to anyone who loves YA novels. 

Crushed by Sara Shepard on Amazon

Life after Loss

There is life before. And then there is life after. It's the only way I can think of it in my head to describe how life has changed. There was the me before, who was oblivious that babies died. Then there is the me, who realizes just how many mom's go home from the hospital with empty arms.

Once you have experienced a loss, you are never the same. You can never just go on with your life and think that if you get pregnant again that there will be no fear attached. You will always be afraid, you will always be anxious at ultrasounds, you will always stress about things that don't seem possible to a woman who hasn't lost a baby. There is no getting around it. Sometimes the fears are little, sometimes big.

I've had 2 miscarriages at 12 weeks. My daughter who I will call BabyLove1 was born too soon at 22 weeks. We spent 3 precious hours with her before she went to Heaven. Her brother, BabyLove2, was born 11 months later at 36 weeks into my pregnancy. We were told during pregnancy that he had heart defects, but they would be fixed with surgery. When he was born there were other defects, and he passed at 4 days old. I never thought I would get pregnant again. I never wanted to. I was terrified.

18 months later I had our Rainbow. She spent 2 weeks in the NICU from complications from my diabetes, but she is beautiful and healthy now. 4 years later we are now TTC again. Are we crazy? Maybe. This is our journey.

Currently Reading - Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore

I'm really addicted to Beth Moore and Max Lucado right now! I'm loving this book, and can for sure relate to the feeling of falling in a pit. Whether it's a big or small one, we battle to get out of it ourselves when we really need to look up and ask God to help us.

Buy Beth Moore's book on Amazon

Amazon description - From her first breath of fresh air beyond the pit, it has never been enough for Beth Moore to be free. This best-selling author and Bible teacher who has opened the riches of Scripture to millions longs for you to be free as well—to know the Love and Presence that are better than life and the power of God’s Word that defies all darkness.

Beth’s journey out of the pit has been heart-rending. But from this and the poetic expressions of Psalm 40 has come the reward: a new song for her soul, given by her Saviour and offered to you in Get Out of That Pit—friend to friend. This is Beth’s most stirring message yet of the sheer hope, utter deliverance, and complete and glorious freedom of God:

I waited patiently for the Lord

He turned to me and heard my cry

He lifted me out of the slimy pit

He set my feet on a rock

He put a new song in my mouth

It is a story, a song—a salvation—that you can know too.

To Blog... or not to Blog...

I used to love blogging. I poured my heart into all my posts, as they were all related to me being pregnant with my son who had a poor fetal diagnosis. I loved my readers, I loved the interaction I had with them, and how some of them are still my friends to this day. Now that my life has changed, I don't know how blogging will work into it, but I am excited to see where this takes me.

Now I feel anxious about what to blog about. Do I have to be a baby loss mom only? Working, married, stressed out mom? Baby loss mom who is married, working full time, raising 2 daughters, and now TTC? Or all of those in one?!?! The anxiety is getting to me. What do I blog about first? Do I stay anonymous behind this blog or do I open up the nitty gritty details for everyone to know?

I will just be a mom. One with lots of anxiety and crazy irrational thoughts.

To be continued....

Coming Soon...